Expectations...

***A version of this was written on Valentine’s Day, February 14th. Yes, over a month ago, but when I hit “post” all of it disappeared. I almost decided to give-up, but at the request of my husband I have FINALLY decided to move forward, to let go of my expectations (ironic this was the title of my post) and just begin somewhere. So a month later, back to the title of this post…

Expectations.

Or lack thereof in the case of my husband. Kevin does not put pressure on me as a wife and mother. This is truly a blessing as I often put expectations on myself, most of which are fairly lofty. I also often extend those expectations onto Kevin and at times expect him to do things I haven’t even asked him to do. Kevin on the other hand rarely requests much. Thus, I realized the other week when he kept asking me to do a task I had better take note. Not to mention it was something I wanted to accomplish too. However, it was something I had not done in so long and because my expectations were so high I had opted just to not do it. I kept putting it off because I felt so far behind and didn't know where to begin,so I just didn't, which only put me further behind and more frustrated with myself. Kevin on the other hand had a simple request---a blog post a month. Keep it simple, as something is better than nothing.

Speaking of expectations, I had always hoped to have a curly blonde haired little toddler running around. I knew this would not be the case with Anna as her hair was stick straight from the beginning. As a side-note, I envy those with straight hair, so I am surely thankful for my daughter’s easy to manage straight hair. Aiden was without hair for so long that I didn’t think he would be the one that would give me those blonde curls. However, he surprised me with his light-colored curls and lots of them. Therefore, cutting those sweet curls was not a high priority. Actually, it was something I kept putting off in case the curls disappeared for good after being cut.

Finally his hair had gotten so long that it was a complete mess in the mornings unless you completely wet it down and combed out all the tangles. And let’s be honest, I have a hard enough time getting out the door that I don’t need any extra steps. Of course this is not a quick and easy process as this little boy already begs to play with his match-box cars for just two more minutes before we head out the door in the morning. The task of “fixing” his hair only interferes with him lining up his cars and makes for a morning battle. This extra step is also not needed when I am trying to get a very opinionated four-year-old out the door who is determined to pick out her entire attire from her clothes to her socks (or lack there of, if she had her way) and shoes (her fancy shoes as she calls them would be her choice no matter where we are headed). This is a whole other post for another day. Not to mention there is a pregnant momma trying to make it out the door who is not a morning person. So, who needs an extra step? Obviously not me! Yes, I should have caved sooner and given into the haircut.

On our way to get his first haircut. Love those sweet curls and those sweet eyes.

Aiden did smile for this one picture, but he was very serious during the entire haircut. He sat perfectly still. He didn’t even budge when the hairdresser asked him to tilt his head down and keep his chin tucked. His eyes just got a little wider and he waited patiently to lift it and look in the mirror.

Last look at some of those curls.

Looking more like a big boy.

On our way home with a lollipop in hand.

I am happy to report that as these pictures were taken over a month ago, the curls have returned and actually Aiden could probably use another haircut. Here's to a start in blogging and hopefully many more posts to come (or at least one a month).

And happy belated Valentine’s Day to the man everyone says this curly blonde haired little one looks just like. Thanks for being patient with this post.

On a final note, we are still awaiting the arrival of Baby Sasser #3. We surely thought he/she would be here by now when over three weeks ago I was sitting in the hospital pretty miserable. But we are thankful they decided to stay put for a bit longer. They are keeping close tabs on this babe as I am at the doctor twice a week for non-stress tests and then a third time for just a regular appointment. All seems well and we will be 39 weeks in just a few days! We will keep you posted.

Baby Update- 35 weeks and counting

Yesterday was a whirlwind. Amy went to the doctor to get checked on Thursday. She is currently 35 weeks along. She did not feel good after the appointment and slept poorly all night. She had fever and chills and felt as if she was going into labor first thing Friday morning, also having nausea. We called the doctor and they wanted us to come into the office first. The doctor said there was no change in the progression since Thursday. She was still 1cm dilated and 50% effaced. They did a non-stress test and sent us home after determining everything seemed fine despite not much movement from the baby. Amy still felt horrible and we ended up calling the doctor later Friday night when her temperature had gone back up to 103 and since she was feeling so bad.
The doctor wanted us to come in due to concern of infection, although he wasn't sure where the infection was, either Amy or the baby. We got to the hospital last night just before 10:00pm and had to wait a bit before we were seen. They checked Amy out and put her in a temporary, and uncomfortable room. Amy was feeling horrible at that point and time. Her blood pressure was very low, heart was racing, and the baby had an elevated heartbeat as well. The blood work came back with white blood cell count that was more than double normal, which confirmed an infection. They did a catheterization to check the urine, which came back clear. All this time Amy wasn't progressing into labor like she did with the Anna & Aiden. Thus he didn't know if the baby was in danger and needed to be delivered, but he also didn't want to deliver a premature baby. The doctor was in consultation with a specialist at Wake Forest in which they reviewed the past pregnancies as well, knowing there were 3 options; start labor, do antibiotics, or do an amniocentesis. They didn't feel like antibiotics were a good option since they didn't know exactly what they were treating. They decided to try doing an amniocentesis but could not locate a large enough pocket of fluid so they ended up not doing the procedure. This was a blessing as Amy was very concerned about having the procedure done with potential risk to the baby, which could end up sending Amy into emergency labor and having a C-section. They did a chest x-ray to be sure nothing else was going on. They consulted the specialist again and decided to start Amy on antibiotics. They finally admitted us and we got into the antenatal room around 5am. We were able to get about 3 hours of sleep. Amy initially was feeling much better today. She is not having any contractions and does not appear to be in labor. The white blood count has gone down but is higher than normal and baby's heartbeat is higher than they'd like to see but not high enough to induce labor. They want to be very cautious to make sure there is no harm to the baby. They said Amy would be staying in the hospital at least until tomorrow and will continue to receive antibiotics. Her fever has since come back which means she will not be coming home tomorrow. It keeps coming and going. Her heart rate is elevated still as is the baby’s. We are not sure if they will want to induce labor or just keep monitoring. We are hoping the baby will stay in utero longer and that Amy will be able to come home soon. We appreciate your prayers for a healthy baby and for Amy to feel better soon.

His Grace...

This is not a post on the reasons I have not been blogging or even a post about these two cute little ones.

Although, there are many posts for each of those things and hopefully one day soon that will come to pass. But instead this is an update on where God has brought us as a family.

In July, Kevin and I had a few days at home without the children. Well, I was at home and Kevin was at work. I am a doer and usually I would have spent this time being productive, checking things off of my growing to-do list. However, instead I did something quite the opposite. I took time to just be. I told Kevin afterwards that I felt as if God was preparing my heart for something. I took the time without the children to be still, to listen and to allow Him to just breathe life into my being. It was a sweet time. And He surely was preparing me for something.

In the past year God has been stirring in my heart. I had in essence closed the door on believing He was big enough, but instead had put Him in a box or at least in terms of what He could do through our family. When learning just over a year ago that Kevin had MS, I quickly determined our family was complete. However, as God has a way of doing so, He slowly began to work on my heart. I do believe God would have been fine with us only having two children. But I also believe God wanted me to acknowledge my need for control and thus, my ultimate need to surrender to Him…in everything.

In terms of control, life seems somewhat out of control right now and thus, one of the reasons for this blog post. We would love to share in person with everyone that we will be welcoming another Sasser Baby into the world come March, but because the yuckiness and tiredness have hit full force, we decided we had better spill the news.

We have friends who have welcomed new additions to their families, which we would love to provide meals for, but we are doing good to get dinner on our table at nights. We have birthday parties and playdates we want to attend, but at a moments notice I am having to say, “no.” We decided we had better give reasons for our “no’s” and lack of committing to do much of anything now instead of waiting to see many of you in person at events already planned in the near future.

It finally hit me this week that we are 8 weeks pregnant and we had not shared the news nor had I even called my doctor. So, today I headed to the doctor at which the nurse looked at me and said, “Wow, we need to schedule your ultrasound for NEXT week.” We are really pregnant!

We are both excited and I think still a little in shock. As my sweet friends know, I do not get excited about newborns. I actually don’t even hold my friends’ children as newborns because I know I will have to hold mine and that is more than enough time with a tiny little one. But amazingly, I have seen babies recently and had the desire to hold them. I have been excited about what is to come----all of it, the good and the not so good times.

When we shared with my parents or rather my sister guessed that I was pregnant, my dad shared that he experienced things with my sister, their third child that he never would have experienced with my brother or me. We are looking forward to those experiences and God’s grace that will pour out of those experiences.

I wish I felt like I did a short week ago, hardly pregnant and our plans to share in person with many of you could unfold. We ask for you to pray for this pregnancy and for our family as we prepare to be a family of five. It is going to be a wild ride, but thankfully we are not ultimately in control! Thank you Lord!

Four pictures...

that lead up to this birthday, her fourth birthday. This is the baby girl that made me a momma. This is the baby girl that stole my heart four years ago today. This is the baby girl that brings a smile to my face each day. This is the baby girl that has blessed her daddy and me beyond our wildest imaginations.
Anna Cate on her birth day...

Anna Cate on her 1st birthday...

Anna Cate on her 2nd birthday...

Anna Cate on her 3rd birthday...

Today we celebrate her 4th birthday. Pictures to come of this sweet, sweet baby girl that is now really a little girl. I surely can't believe she is four years old. We love you!

Sweet Boys!

Tonight we had to say goodbye to this sweet little boy on the right. Cousin Elliot has been in NC for over two weeks. Anna and Aiden are going to be missing him, but are excited he will soon be moving to NC! We can't wait!

My two boys! Notice the hair and curls in the back of Aiden's head. Love the curls and love these boys!

Just for fun!

Blogger and Picasa have been giving many of us trouble for the past few weeks, which partially explains the lack of posts. There are many other reasons. One of them being that life is full and the days and weeks are quickly turning into months. I rarely have a moment to just sit and document our life, but we are in a season with our children that we are really loving. How can it almost be May and how can we have a daughter who will be turning FOUR in a matter of days?! I have lots to catch-up on and have even tried to jot some posts down as Picasa was not working. But until then, enjoy this sweet picture of Anna and Aiden from this Saturday at an Easter Egg hunt. Anna was able to take a ride on Chief, the horse. Aiden really wanted to ride the horse and even asked for his turn. I think Anna was more timid than Aiden. Chief's owner was nice enough to let Aiden sit on Chief for some pictures at the end of Anna's ride.

Soccer!

Anna has been asking us for a while if she could play soccer. Several weeks ago after church we headed to the same sporting good's store where I bought all my soccer gear growing up and got this little one all ready for her first season of soccer. Cleats...check! Shin guards...check! Soccer socks...check! Umbros (or the new brand of umbros)...check! A little girl all smiles...check! Here she is ready for her first practice. A week later it was a little colder for her second practice, but Anna was still all smiles.

Here are some action shots. She really is beginning to grasp the concept and has a great kick. This girl LOVES to play goalie! She asked enough at her first two practices that when it came game time she was the goalie for the first quarter of the first game. Sadly, we don't have pictures from her first game as I left the memory card for our camera at home. Anna did not let anyone score on her and actually grabbed several balls with her hands resulting in a couple of throw-ins and even a goalie kick. Several times we did have to quickly get her attention as she was easily distracted in the goal. However, as soon as you called her name she would squat down and spread her arms wide waiting for the ball. The other three quarters were spent out on the field. She might have been one of the few players on her team that played the entire time. She has several teammates who are not 100% sure they want to be playing. We spent most of the game either yelling for Anna to go after the ball or laughing. Anna thoroughly entertained us as she ran almost the entire game, but most of the time it was just chasing the mob of other little people around the ball. She had us laughing as she would scan the sidelines as she ran down the field. Her eye would catch something---a cheering mom, a crying teammate, a little baby playing and she would fixate on that until she realized a game was being played. She beamed from ear to ear as she ran because of the crowd of people on either sideline cheering. I am sure many more pictures are to come of our soccer star in her jaguar uniform!

The progression...

We are loving this warmer weather and the longer days. It means that daddy gets a little bit of time outside with us when he gets home from work and before dinner. It also means that daddy encourages Aiden to learn new tricks that mommy would never encourage because now this little man is going to have to be watched like a hawk in our backyard. In the first picture daddy is showing Aiden he too can make it up the climbing wall to the slide like his big sister Anna.

Surveying the scene.

Determined.

Now making his way on his own.